"NEVER WILL I DIE A DREAMER"

" I prefer to now take the road that is less traveled."
Living My Passion

I remember when I was a little girl I always had so many dreams, seeing the ball drop in New York City for New Years Eve, becoming a doctor, buying my grandmother a big house so that she could have an even bigger garden, but the older I had become some of those dreams started to fade. I became a mother at the young age of 18. I had this really big issue of wanting to be accepted by others, so many other people around me were having babies that as crazy as that sounds I thought that this was the way to go. I was a motherless child whom found herself looking for love and answers in others who really cared nothing for my well being at all. Looking for love in all the wrong places should have been tattooed on my forehead. My grandmother did an amazing job, she did the best that she could with what she had but sex and love was off the table of conversation. We would sit at the table early mornings with her cup of coffee and I had one too except mines was with a little tea cup and saucer with just a spoon full of coffee (smile) since the age of 5. I never understood what those talks meant then but I live and survive now to this day from the wisdom my grandmother taught me.

Now as an adult there is no cushion for me to fall back on I am in charge of my life and my decisions as to what I want for my life and where I want to go. Having the responsibility of being a single mother makes the load just a little heavier to carry but not impossible. Once I became a parent some of my dreams started to fade away and the older I had become the more it looked as if the dreams that I had talked about as a little girl would seem so impossible to reach. My responsibility to survive day to day became more important than the dreams and ideas that was always so dear to my heart.

Now years later as I look back only to check my progress of course; I am so grateful that I didn't listen to those naysayers that said I was skinny, I had a big forehead, I was too ugly, I was not that cute, you will have lots of children and be on welfare and never make it, on & on & on. I even had bullies in school which was crazy to me because I was the nerd that sat in the front of the class and really didn't say much at all. I guess that's why, but let me not get off topic because I can go on with the way I was treated my goodness.  There were so many people that really tried to tear me down despite the good I tried to do. I was an honor roll student in school, got my first job at the age of 16 and have been independent since age 18. It was super difficult for me to adjust to the fact that there were going to be people for whatever reason was not going to like me and some would walk away and it had nothing to do with me. Thank God for my grandmother telling me that I can be whomever I wanted to be & not to pay attention to those who really didn't care for me. I miss her so much, I promise for as long as I live I will keep her spirit alive through my life work.

Back to my dreams so here we are its now 20 years later and I have been accomplishing some things that have been even bigger than I can imagine. My grandmother said "God can do all things", it was always so amazing how she taught me so many bible scriptures but yet she never learned how to read, never had a real job but yet she raised me to be the woman I am today and always  provided for me. I feel like for all the sacrifices she made for me I can at least be my best at my life doesn't mean I am going to be perfect but at least I can try.  Of course I made some mistakes, lots of them I've learned that failure is not the end all and that I can fail my way to success. The things I went through in life and all the mistakes I made only built my character. When I say that I prefer to take the road less traveled that is how I can focus on my dreams because I am not so distracted by how others feel about what worked for them or how I should do it. When you want to achieve seeing your dreams realized it takes a desperate amount of focus. See I smile and laugh at everything sounds crazy right, yes I know and so does my dreams but I have been accomplishing those dreams one at a time. When they say your dreams are crazy know that it means that you have a great idea and you better just go after it. There are going to be so many people that are not going to understand your journey and its really okay just keep going.

Its so important to surround yourself with those that are like minded that really truly support you. Dream Big. Never Give Up.  Its going to get very difficult but push through because the only way out is to go through it. Whenever you hear "No", just know that means that God is saying to keep going or whatever higher being that you believe in just stay focused.  Focus on your strengths and let your weaknesses and failures teach you the lessons that need to be learned. There is a huge power in ideas but only if you execute them. I believe that we all are born to create but some just don't have the courage to live in their passion. Decide what you want to do, commit yourself to it, put action to it and suddenly you will find yourself doing what you thought was impossible.

I am always making a list of dreams/goals, some work some don't but I refuse to die a dreamer. I refuse to die without leaving a legacy behind. I refuse to die without leaving my name here where those after me will know that I was on this earth and I made a difference. I took my pain and let that be the fuel for my success. Its so easy to give up. Let the haters, enemies, naysayers motivate you to be your best self.  All of these things I tell myself everyday, because each day has its own set of challenges. "Enjoy your journey, accept the process, and celebrate yourself along the way. You are not alone because I'm learning to do this as well everyday.

"You are the owner of your happiness, and you have the ability to give birth to your dreams."

"Don't die a dreamer."